Urungku the Butterfly fairy

A.N

2011-05-30T05:34:00.001-07:00

Now this is about A.N

I have not seen him for the past 7 weeks

and the last time i saw a glimpse of him was on the 14th of April 2011...

I thought I would see him again, but i did not

and here i am after 7 weeks

wondering, why did i went to the washroom? i knew that a mistake would cost me

and i know i did that mistake and it is killing me inside

not slowly but i know i am dying inside.

I would give anything to see him

it is a month now after i asked him his birth year

on 29th April 2011,

i plucked up whatever courage i had in me

and i messaged him on F.B

he actually replied :)

he was born in 1985 :D

and then onwards

everything that i know about him

anything that is related to him keeps on showing up,

his name, everything, anything that is related to him

it's like i am not allowed to forget him

not even once

anywhere i go

anything i read

will always lead me back to him and his memories

i miss him

i know i miss him

and this is different from last year

this is the type of longing

that i feel like crying

believe me a tear or 2 dropped

i dream of him

and it feels so real

i could hear his voice

i could feel his gaze upon me

i could feel his presence.

i see him

even when my eyes are open

visions of him will appear

his scent will be there when i miss him

everything i had never thought of

came to me.

he is someone i never dreamed of liking

forget anything else that comes after like

nowadays

it is really easy to see him

i have these images of him being in my life in the future

the pieces now fit with each other

they fit perfectly

in my images only

have i told you

that it is my very dream

to give him a present

that is a whole set

of Baju Melayu that is black in colour

i really want to look at him wearing this

just once

and everything will be alright

for me :)

and i found more pictures of him :)

I Miss You dear A.N

things i kept to myself

2011-05-30T04:47:00.001-07:00

i can tell you because no one really knows about You :P

how am i supposed to say this to anyone?

the days that i go through is eating me up inside. my life now is at a new and different level

i have finished my studies in iiu. i am far away from my friends and i am at home, helping my parents at our shop and that's just it. for the coming months, this is how my life is going to be spent!

day in day out!

i have been through a lot these past weeks and days

many things happened

do not really know what they are

was too ignorant shall i say?

i am not happy

i do not know what has got into me. God knows the things i have been through

not major physical ones

they are more on the mental side

the stability of my mental is lowly making it's way to deterioration

i do not know what the problems are

but i am pretty sure it is bottling up inside me

Mine

2011-05-30T04:38:00.001-07:00

Flower gleam and glow

let your power shine

make the clock reverse

bring back what once was Mine

Heal that has been hurt

change the fates' design

save what has been lost

bring back what once was Mine

What once was Mine....

Unintended!

2011-04-08T05:17:00.000-07:00

You could be my unintended

Choice to live my life extended

You could be the one I'll always love

You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions

You could be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can

But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

First there was the one who challenged

All my dreams and all my balance

She could never be as good as you

You could be my unintended

Choice to live my life extended

You should be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can

But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

I'll be there as soon as I can

But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

Before you

Lamanya

2011-04-08T04:46:00.000-07:00

splurging of ideas...

my ideas in this place is vintage

old, i left you you my dear, i left you long enough!!!

things in life has been really crazy

everything seems to be i don't know crazy i suppose

classes have been crazy

oh yes i took my driving license already

i can say that

I hate this feeling!!

this feeling is making me suffer somehow

i hate this feeling

i am really tired of this feeling

if i fail on the 13 of April i swear i'l leave it out for awhile

just continue renewing my L

and continue dong it until i really want a license badly!

i do not know why i feel like this

life here in iium

i do not know how to put this

i now unofficially have graduated

since my exam finished on the 5th of April.

i don't know what has got into me but i don't feel good

i am not in a very good shape!

long time no see

2010-12-27T19:02:00.000-08:00

how long is long??
for quite some time i have left you alone
sorry!!!!!
been very very busy
and
i have my tumblr withh me :)

I Miss You

2010-10-18T22:29:00.001-07:00

i miss you, i still miss you

i want to miss you, and i want you to miss me back

i want to dream of you, and i want you to dream of me back

just like the old days

bu the reality is that

there is no more you or me

there is no more us

we ended…

“I wish that I was looking into your eyes

looking into your eyes

i want you to walk through

and burst in the door and take me away

no more mistakes

cause in your eyes I’d like to stay”

splurging of ideas...

this is itttt

2010-04-28T06:23:00.000-07:00

splurging of ideas...

this shows that I have internet connection with me 24/7

i update my blog like

i have never updated before

ha ha ha

you can tell by reading this

that

I have nothing else to do

I am not used to

"onlining" everyday

hence

explains why I do not know what to do

when I have the internet!!!!

right now

i am doing my arabic homework

h ahah aha

it shows that

have

nothing

else

do!!!

I Miss You

2010-04-27T01:28:00.001-07:00

These are the words
that I have been wanting to tell this person so badly.
I Miss You!
I really Miss You
it's been so long since I last saw You
I actually long to see you
I really do

I look for you
I search for you
but I still can't seem to find you
I ask for you
I do things that I have never did before
I even liked you
like I have never liked anyone like you before

You are different
You are not like the usual's
You are You..
You smile differently
You walk differently
You talk differently

You are never
the usual
people
that I used to like

how do I come to know You
after awhile
you were in my life for the past two years
and I never acknowledged You
You sipped into my life like water
You flow in and out
but it took me awhile to realise

You came when I was in pain
maybe
that is why
I noticed You
You heal me unconsciously
You were there every time I needed You
I didn't realise You
then
but now maybe
it is You who do not realise Me....

and now I have to tell you
that
I
I miss You
I really do...

I miss you

2010-04-27T01:28:00.000-07:00

splurging of ideas...

This is for 'YOU'

2010-04-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted,
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sank chill on my brow
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:
Long, long shall I rue thee
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

When we two are parted
Lord Byron

My Love life...?????

2010-04-25T05:56:00.000-07:00

What about my love life??
no big deal really but
I cannot help questioning myself
What am I doing??
why am I doing this and
How should I do this?

I am complicating my own life
that is the exact answer if someone were to ask me
what I am talking about...

first thing's first
do I even know what Love is??
or do I pretend that I know what Love is
and Make myself believe that I know Love..
I'm not making any sense huh?

is waiting for someone that I know will never be mine is called Love?
is giving my all to that person and not hope for anything back is called love?
is not getting angry at that person when he does something that I can never tolerate with someone else is called Love??
is soothing my own heart when that person hurts me and saying "it's okay" is called Love?
is waiting for that person's text message until dawn and that person says "I fell asleep" is called Love?
is loving that person unconditionally is called Love?
is crying every time that person hurts me and that person doesn't care is called Love?
is seeing that person messaging someone else in front of you and you don't say a word when he does not reply your messages is called Love?
is looking at that person when he does not look at you anymore is called Love?
is looking at someone who does not know you exist is called Love?
is liking someone that does not like you because he does not know you is called Love??
is walking away from that person when he has hurt you really bad is called Love?

or just pretending that we have never loved is what is really called Love

Money, Duit, Fulus, Rinjitat, Dollar, Pounds...

2010-04-25T05:44:00.000-07:00

what is install for me tomorrow
i wonder what life and God have in line for me
i am back from my holidays
i need to start working part time
the problem is you know
I do not know what I want to do
I do not have the time to tell you the truth
but I have to find the time and
the money
I need to do this
I have to!!!

I will resume my classes tomorrow morning and
yes I am alone for the first time in this place
I only have two classes this semester
but it takes most of my time
I do not have enough cash
and I want to buy alot of things
I need a new or more new pair/pairs of shoe
I need to pay a whole sum of money for something
I need to work my weight out
I NEED CASH!!!!!

I need many things right now
which I suddenly can't help questioning myself
for some time
Am I not Content enough with my LIfe???
Am I not content enough with what God
has given Me???

what is wrong with me???

My life in short

2010-03-22T01:29:00.000-07:00

ha ha aha

have not been here for quite awhile

there is so much to say

in such a short time

i am dead jealous with every single one who went to Super Junior's concert in Malaysia

I am so

jealous

I watched My name is Khan

and i cried and cried

the movie made me cry and i felt relieved

the emotions just flowed out

and

after the movies we went to dataran merdeka

to snap photos

and the one thing that was the highlight of the day was

my lecturer lost his camera

while he was eating

his total lost cost him RM 12k....

my grades are not that good

i really want to cry

it's just that bad

I do not want to repeat anything

i havent seen A.N for quite some time

i miss him

i really do

i do not know why

but I really like him

i dont know why..

my life is totally topsy turvy

i am stuck here with my examinations coming

i really want to watch It's complicated

I did not like Alice in Wonderland

i only liked Johnny Depp

I am still having flu and cough

and i am still not feeling good

a friend just spilled the beans to me

that one of her friend's friend

got cancer due to a fall

2 years ago

and now she has bone cancer

I fell twice two years straight

and I am wondering will i get the same thing as

her friend's friend have?

I do not know what has got into me

I really want to disappear for some time and just go anywhere i want

I miss God

really want to go back to Him...

A.N

2010-02-27T01:51:00.000-08:00

let me see

this is about A.N

and other things that involves A.N and my life

so far

I dont know when this started

dont even know why or how it started

first

I confidently tell people that I do not like people with beard

I mean fully bearded man.

I have nothing against beards

but it is just not my ideal kind of dream guy

if I can put it in this way.

I always liked guys who look ill and have this same kind of look

all of them

but this person is

totally the opposite of everything that I ever dreamt of

he is Canadian

he is white

he has beard on his face

he goes to the library

he smiles with the most innocent look a man can have

he helps people with their studies

he likes to wear a white cap

he only wear sandals or slippers on weekends

he will put on a pair of Adidas, or Nike during the weekdays

he will always wear jeans with a long sleeved shirt for classes

he will always carry a bagpack even on weekends

he looks at people directly in their eyes

he cant stand when someone tickles him on his waist

he likes to scratch or hold his hair

he likes to drink Ribena

he gets excited just by watching people demonstrate

on martial arts

he has a very soft spoken voice

and tone when speaking

he can't sit for a long time

he has to walk around to rejuvenate himself

he is always or at times in a hurry

he likes to entertain children

he will greet anyone he knows happily

he is very playful

he has the sweetest smile

and he glows when he smile

and the one thing that captures me is

his pair of very very innocent-looking-eyes.

very captivating

very inviting

he is very very

dangerous

for me...

I have found my Kryptonite...

Rollercrazycoaster!!!!!

2010-02-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

it is 12 and i am supposed to be in my room

where i am supposed to be bathing

and i am supposed to be sleeping

and i am supposed to iron my clothes for tomorrow..

where i am supposed to attend class

and i am supposed to receive my exam paper n their

oh-so-the-very-excellent-results.

oh yeah

first and foremost

Happy new year to all

yes i know it is february already but

tak pa

never too late to wish kan :)

it has been a very crazy, hectic, nasty and tiring start for me

2010 is a year where i think

i will be in big trouble

i am dealing with things that are really really

causing me to go nuts!

lets start right away

List of events:

1. I ended 2009 with being really ill

2. i started 2010 with being terribly ill too. Viral Diarrhoea!! 2 weeks. it is taking it's toll on me

right now.

3. The late Sultan of Johor Passed away and I watched the entire funeral process. it was

a moment where you know someone who is good

has left the world to be in a place better

than here...

4. I once again failed with flying colours to meet Dr. Mahathir when he is in IIUM. sad :(

5. on the 5th of FEBRUARY 2010, I once again jatuh tangga, hit my bum, my ankle and my right

foot and they are killing me right now.

6. On the very very same day too, I met this 1 person whom I have not seen for 3 whole years, and for some reason, even after what he did, My heart still skipped a heartbeat when he was

infront of me....i could recognise him just by looking at his jaw and mole on his right jaw line.

terrible ain't it?

7. got my heart crushed over and over again, but i still cannot say goodbye

I do not know why, please tell me why...

8. I am going crazy with all my assignments, exams and the people around me...

9. I cant sleep at night. I want to sleep, i need to sleep, but i cant seem to do so.

please help me :p

10. I miss my God!!!

Tentang perasaan pula

2009-12-29T04:59:00.001-08:00

Ha ha ha

got a new eye interest

his name is ali Nsser

he is a canadian

he is hot! Hot! HOT!

he he

actually i am captivated by his eyes

they look very innocent

cute :P

Hindustan pula???

he he he

saya tak syok sangat kat dia dah

tapi bila nampak dia

nak juga tengok kan..

tak pa la

kita tengok la how :P

tapi saya tetap sayang kat Tarabas....

Tentang Bahasa

2009-12-29T04:49:00.000-08:00

Apabila berkata tentang bahasa

saya sangat suka

apparently we learn a new word

from a language that we listen to every day

from songs, movies or even people around us

I am currently forced by the authorities

to take up the arabic language...

I like it

but it is starting to pull myself down.

I am very very tired

It is not that i do not like to learn a new language

but to do so

you need someone who will teach you

to be very active

someone who is lively

and who understands that we are not native speakers of the language

now it is quite tough

and the lecturer does not understand this

haish

well by hook or by crook

I have to go through with all of this

if not

I cant and wont be able to Graduate from this place!!!

I do not want that to happen

hence,

I will have to push myself to the very top!!!

Go Go Go Aini :P

Cukup untuk sehari

2009-12-13T00:21:00.000-08:00

semakin hari semakin liat untuk menaip kat sini!!

sem. baru dah start

subject pun semua baru

semua semakin susah

saya pun semakin serabut jadinya

macam sabut kelapa!!

haish

masalah ada di mana mana

datangla ia apabila di cari

saya tengah cari masalah la ni

nak serabutkan kepala sendiri....

tentang lelaki korea

let us start with the important things firt yea

I am into Hwang Taekyung from A.N.JELL

and so into FT Island's "Girls dont know love."

when we watch dramas and movies that produce lead actors that are to die for

they really get into your head

well Hwang Taekyung got in me so fast

and it's hard for me to get rid of him.

haish kenapa la begini ceritanya????

the songs in that cerita pun boleh tahan juga.

nak tahu ceritanya watch la.

tentang hidup

read the papers today and

i read on the death that killed a groom, his parents together with a friend

dia baru nikah 4 jam

dan accident berlaku

isterinya menyambut kepulangan jenazah suami

bukan suami...

tentang hati

sakit sangat apabila orang itu ada di depan mata tapi buat tak endah je

sakit sangat di buat begitu

you know you do not want to lose this really really precious thing

but circumstances force you to do so.

hati sampai tak rasa apa apa saat tidak di endahkan

tapi dia tidak kisah

dan dia tidak akan kisah

banyak lagi hati yang di beri kepadanya

lantas hati ini langsung tidak bererti...

telaga di mata ini sudah kering

namun setitik air tetap kan tumpah saat perit di hati kembali.

perlukah hilangkan diriku ini untuk dirinya belajar menghargai ku?

i told myself it will not be a problem to let him go but

i know it is not that easy

God knows that it is not easy

and God knows that i love God more than him!!

I just need time to let us go....

Lamanya tak menaip....

2009-11-09T07:08:00.001-08:00

agak dah lama la kan tak merepek kat sini

during this very-very-long-yang-tak-seberapa-long-pun

banyak dah berlaku dan yang ingin diberlakukan (BM SANGAT TERUK)

let us start babbling right away:

1. I got three new piercings. i sangat suka :P

2. saya dapat my SLR D3000 and I am loving every single bits and pieces of it.

3. my life has been and still is a big mess!!

4. i got a new niece. her name is Sarra Qalbu :p

5. last last pergi bird park dari Bukit tinggi yang dah lama sangat nak pergi tu :(

6. saya jadi semakin tak ada perasaan..sangat tidak elok!!

7. ada ke patut budak perempuan ni tanya me n my frens "bila korang 3 nak gaduh huh?

macam baik je. nak juga tengok." I was like..kenapa la dia ni mulut macam longkang

besar kat K.L tu.

8. saya sangat suka this ring kat perlini's sangat sangat cute

9. accessories kat Accessorize gila punya mahal..saya dah la tengah broke ni

10. sangat la suka baju baju kat T-Box. cantik. packaging sangat cute

11. watched time traveler's Wife and my heart beat stopped there and there and

got out of the panggung my heart was like dead. terkejut. sad sad sangat.

12. watched This is it! sedih. saya sayang Michael Jackson.

13. watched Pisau cukur and I tell you I love it! sangat worth it. pergi la watch

semua sangat la best dalam cerita tu.

14. read He's just not that into you, I LOVE IT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING RIGHT TO

THE END!!! I strongly encourage, no, force you ladies to read it. It made me realise things.

Seriously, go and read it. The male species pun go ahead. it wont kill you :P

15. My exams are killing me

that explains all the movies that i watched.

16. there's this cat that really irritates me. he poops everywhere and let me tell you anywhere

dia nak. bilik kawan saya yang tak bersalah tu dia melepaskan hasratnya itu!!!

17. i bought 5 new pairs of shoe!! depressed tahap gila

18. nak sangat peluk kesayangan saya from the back. dream on!!

19. i want to keep my hair until it reaches the base of my waist, colour it red and then

curl the hell out of it :P

20. I need a new pair of shoes and new body piercing...

that's just it for now

haa amek kaw!!!!

suka......

sorry la

saya nak tulis tak best la

saya suke beritahu muka ke muka

baru ada expression

bila u baca kan

u kena teka expression saya

jadi marilah duduk depan saya

I will be the best story teller

yang berzodiac Libra!!!!

in this entire "Nature"!!!

Jika Engkau Pergi!!!!

2009-09-30T01:32:00.000-07:00

Bermulanya semua hanya dengan rasa
ada saja yang tak kena
Rupanya kau berkasih
Menyingkir setia
Sandiwara penuh dusta

Kini ku beri satu amaran
Jangan nanti jadi cabaran
Aku ingin kau memadam kenangan
Menjadi mimpi berterbangan

Jika engkau pergi, bulan dan bintang tetap masih di langit
Jika engkau pergi, air mengalir takkan berhenti
Jangan khuatir tentang diri ku
Ku janji takkan merindui mu

Bermusim resah hadir membelai
Menyentuh hati kecewa
Janji sehidup semati
Tinggal tiada lagi
Impian hancur depan mata

Semakin terungkap kepastian
Biarlah ku rela melepaskan
Pada mu cinta cuma lah mainan
Sekadar untuk senda bersama

Puas sudah ku berikan engkau segalanya
Jalan cerita pun nyata akan berubah

dear ladles and jelly spoons

this song

i tell you

it is really really good

if u do not read malay

basically this song

let me summarise yes ;D

this song is trying to send out the message

that even if ur lover leaves you

you can still go on

and the song is trying to tell us that

without "you" in our lives

we can n will carry on with our life.

it is not the end of the world honey

cheers people :D

Hari Raya 2009

2009-09-30T01:09:00.000-07:00

Ni Farhan

Ni Khairul

Ni adik saya Khadijah Addawiyah

Fun fun fun
that is all i have and can say to all of you
The best raya I had so far
everyone was so happy we ate, played and just spent our time together
i know i am 21 but i still get duit raya
besh!!!

my baju raya is yellow in colour
i bought a new pair of baju kurung on the third of raya
for fun
oh ya
n i bought 2 new pairs of shoes
i love shoes by the way :P
he he he
the food, well, all i can say is that for the whole week of after 1st raya,
i ate instant noodle everyday
day in and day out
wicked!!! :P

i had so much fun with my very little and small cousins
khalid khairul n farhan
I love them so much.
these are a few picts of them and me n my sisters
(on our way back from singapore)
dalam van lagi tau :D

tengok la ye :O

apabila berkata tentang L.E.L.A.K.I dalam hidup hamitaf inia

2009-08-26T00:33:00.000-07:00

Dalam hidup yang serba indah ini

lelaki dan wanita dicipta kan untuk melengkapkan hidup masing masing...

masalahnya kan

apabila lelaki yang di harapkan untuk melengkapkan diri ini yang dah semestinya serba tak lengkap

saya jadi lagi tak lengkap

faham ke tidak???

saya perlukan seseorang yang tak ada sifat pemarah

sangat penyayang

tak benyak kerenah

suka merajuk sikiiiit je

dan ketinggiannya apabila my head is exactly on his chest

siapa ada ketinggian tu boleh la datang audition yea :P

masalahnya kan

apa yang mereka tak faham adalah

1. saya tak nak present, saya nak anda ada di saat saya perlukan anda

2. saya tak kisah kalau anda tak msg, tapi sila lah balas apabila msg masuk

3. saya tak suka apabila anda menaikkan suara tanpa sebab dan mula la nak kata "awak ni"

sangat tak suka

4. kadang kadang anda PMS lagi teruk dari saya tau...

5. kalau dah suka atau sayang orang lain cakap saja kat saya, i dont mind....dari membiarkan saya tergantung tak bertali menunggu awak dari subuh pagi tengah hari petang senja n sehinggalah malam....

i only need someone who can n will be able to guarantee me a life that is far from hatred, anger and full of sorrow....

P.S ,P.S

this is my new love interest

ha ha ha

Kim Heechul :)

I LOIKE HIM!!!

Inconsolable....

2009-08-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

I close the doorLike so many times, so many times before

Felt like scene on the cutting room floor

When I let you walk away tonight without a word

I try to sleep,

But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me

A thousand more regrets unravelling oh

If you were here right now

I swear I'd tell you this

Baby I don't wanna waste another day

Keeping it inside is killing me

Coz all I ever want it comes right down to you (to you)

I'm wishing I could find the words to say

Baby I would tell you everytime you leave

I'm inconsolableI climb the walls,

I can see the edge but I can't take the fall, no

I memorized the number

So why can't I make the call

Maybe coz I know you'll always be with me

In the possibilities

Baby I don't wanna waste another day

Keeping it inside is killing me

Coz all I ever wanted comes right down to you

I'm wishing I could find the words to say

Baby I would tell you everytime you leave

I'm inconsolable

I don't wanna be like this

I just wanna let you know

That everything that I'm holding

Is everything I can't let gooh oh no can't let go

Coz baby I don't wanna waste another day

Keeping it inside is killing me

Coz all I ever want it comes right down to you

I'm wishing I could find the words to say

Baby I would tell you everytime you leave

I'm inconsolableoh no

Don't you know it babyI don't wanna waste another day

I'm wishing I could find the words to say

Baby I would tell you everytime you leave

I'm inconsolable

money, duit and ...

2009-08-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

when people are in need of money

they do not n will not show up

like in my case

i need the money for a subject that requires an SLR

it is for my photography class

so we went to where they keep money

also known as the bank

they said something like "no we do not lend money to students.

we only give money to people who need to clear their debts and other stuff"

it's like hey we need the money too u know...

this is why peiople go to loan sharks for money

because the bank will not help people who are not "qualified"

to make a loan

we need the cash

really need them

fast!!!

we opted for saving cash n buying it sumwhere next year but

it'll take 50 weeks to get rm 2500

50 WEEKS!!

help help help!!!

Yasmin Ahmad

2009-07-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

it came as a shock to me when i heard Yasmin Ahmad collapsed during a presentation at TV3

from then onwards, i knew but i hoped that she will not succumb to her illness.

then it came out on TV3's news at 1.30 that she passed away at 11.25 pm on the 25 of july. a month after the demise of my beloved MJ.

again another priceless treasure that God bestowed upon us

is taken back and will never ever return.

me n my family thought that it was better if she passed on

because after strok attacks it's victim, their lifes will never be the same again...

never..

i will miss all her brilliant and touching advertisements

i never missed any of her movies but Ionly missed Muallaf

due to the fact that it is not available in Malaysia

My favourite ad would be the funeral on where Jo Kukathas

as a widow talked on how her husband was imperfect in every perfect ways...

to Yasmin Ahmad

I have always n will always love all your work of art

your smile

laughter

and tender loving care...

You gave me Malay Movies that i can bear watching

and you passed on the message of what true love really means...

Salute..

Have a wonderful time

up there where no one can ever ever hurt you again.....

Love,

Aini Fatimah

Death...again...

2009-07-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

I am really sure that by now every single individual in this whole planet knows that Michael Jackson passed away due to Cardiac arrest.. and what people know that everyone who made claims that he molested them thestified that he was innocent all along... what irks me is that they unveiled this only after his death.. i hope they burn in helll!!! sorry i cant help it. i love Michael to pieces, not only after his demise but since the day i was able to know and understand the meaning of music...we would sit infront of the telly everyday and actually watch his vids and listen to his songs all day.

now all his songs make me feel like a-splinter-that-stings-my heart because u and i know he will not be there anymore..but at least, they will actually leave him alone already...

Now the second chapter of death that came to me on the same day that they pronounced MJ dead is when we went to the pasar malam near my house. me n my mother would usually buy Yong tau foo at this stall. the best so far that we like. then my mother spoke to the aunty and they conversed which sounded like this " lama tak berniaga, cuti ke? hari tu pergi melawati tak ada n kat sini pun tak ada. "siapa budk perempuan tu? menantu ke? and then the aunty answered "tak la tu anak saudara" and she said without a single sadness in her eyes "anak nombor dua tu dah meninggal, sebab tu tak ada. 25 jun hari ni dah sebulan dia meninggal. dia meninggal accident kat station minyak, terkena jantung dia"

then i saw the shock on my mother's face and i asked her what happened. i thought the aunty's husband passed away. but my mum said to me after we went away that her second son passed away.

by the way, that boy is really cute :P..

that news stayed in my head for a few days. it is weird how people that we only see and are not close to can take a toll on my life. i keep on remembering him and the way he helped his mother how he smiled how his hair was totally blonde at one point, and how he looked like where he stood before. his actions, gestures and many more.

each time we return to his mother's stall, i would look at her and somehow or rather the sadness in her eyes can be sensed.

the pain of losing someone is unbearable.

but she is a very strong lady. she kept her spirits up and she said life has to go on to.

my mother said that losing a son or daughter will be the priceless treasure a parent can lose.

if it were my mother she said she would not know what to do

Me, myself and I would not know what to do .....

this is life...will i be able to live through it???

2009-06-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

i was sitting in my room then
suddenly my sister looked at me and said this " you know something, my friend ika her cousin just gave birth and she just finished her confinement period, the sad thing is she just got the news that her husband passed away in an accident today, on his way to meet her and their daughter on the urge to take them home. he died on the way to kelantan and he died on the spot i guess. this is their first daughter and i am not sure how her cousin is doing right now.....

i was showering and i started to think and contemplate..
will i be able to handle this situation??
it is their first child, they just got married and he died on the way to take them home
to start a family
a perfect family...

Life......

krak kriuk krak

2009-06-19T00:32:00.000-07:00

splurging of ideas from my very own stomach

God knows how hungry i am now

the very the hungry

i need something to eat

or drink

help help help

the amount of music my stomach is making

haish

Do read n listen to the song if u have it yea :P

2009-06-16T02:52:00.000-07:00

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying"You'll never reach it

"Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep goingAnd I,

I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on'

Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

when u live ur life the way it is supposed to be

u can never and will never know what is in store for you.

whatever it is,

always look at scenery around u while u walk

because we seldom do that in our daily life

including me :)

this song goes out to everyone i know and care for...

cheers

xoxo,

urungku...

Tabula Rasa...n guys

2009-06-16T02:37:00.000-07:00

ha ha ha

once again i am at a blank state of mind or "Tabula rasa"

that is for some other reason actually :). i am assigned to an assignment to write on multiculturalism in america, and am suppose to write based on a short story. the problem is i do not know how or when to start. darn i wish i am not facing this as what they call the writer's block. the thing is i am suppose to relate all the information i have with facts and articles by different people and am suppose to write on Poe n Twain. help help help

i do not know how to do this. if only i have this fairy godmother who would whiff her wand around and complete all that is suppose to be done.

i so wish i can spend my days at the beach right now. i am tired n am in need of a vacation to lets say Ne Caledonia :) i sure want to unwind there and run barefooted on the beaches there. and travel around the island. would be really fun. just like in Boys over Flower.

how i wish i had one of Gu Jun Pyo for my self...

i'll put a few pictures of him and his F4 friends in the drama yea

i bet if u like korean movie or dramas

u will love this guy :)

signing out

Urungku :P

haish i so want a guy who can and will love me the way he does...

Sonnet 17

2009-06-12T01:32:00.000-07:00

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

I love you simply, without problems or pride:

I love you in this way

because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I nor you,

so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,

so intimate that when I fall asleep

it is your eyes that close.

movies, wayang dan...

2009-06-12T00:10:00.000-07:00

now i've watched 17 again, monster vs. aliens, drag me to hell, hannah montana the movie and it is good to know that i am not missing up on any of the movies that i want to watch so far. call me crazy but i have missed quite a number of good movies in the past because i fail to catch them on time. now the only problem is that i am craving for more. harry potter, transformers, ghosts of girlfriend's past are some of the movies that i want to watch...hope it will come true..

i do watch movies from my pc but still the experience is not the same. the sound and picture (except 17 again the sound was quite disappointing at times) is not the same. u get very good auditory experience and i tell you having an old lady scream at your face is really scary when you watch it at the cinema. at home u wont really experience that kind of atmosphere..

then again, i am still waiting for a local movie to air. the movie setem, i watched the trailer and i think it will be a hit among the movie goers.. you have afdlin n rashidi ishak and my sister's favourite actor BRONT PALARAE. I guess she will be the firt person to watch this...

i love the part where afdlin mumbled something on Justin Timberlake to rashidi but he answered back "aku kata "just don't be late" and everyone in the cinema laughed...

well clearly this is an early sign that i should catch this movie :D

anyways people do go out and catch a movie or two and enjoy yourselves..

chao chin chao :P

I do not butter up people's a***..

2009-04-27T00:41:00.000-07:00

feelings that are killing me...

here's the thing

i do not

let me emphasise this part

I DO NOT BUTTER PEOPLE 's arses UP!!!

I only compliment or help out of sincerity

i help in order to make that person's life a bit better

or am just being a good samaritan!!

i thought people understood this

but i guess

i failed to make them understand...

i do not treat others in a way that i know it'll hurt them

but others do this without thinking and ends up

hurting the other person..

always

24/ 7

365 and 366 days..

it hurts me when

people who i trust , love, cherish and

have faith in them

they go and betray it

by doing the

opposite of my affections towards them.

and i mean

the love that i have was not bulit in days

but years

after

having faith, trust and love,

when it hurts u intentionally

it kills you inside out

and

i did not know

it will hurt me this much...

apa punca saya demam??

2009-04-27T00:36:00.000-07:00

life a.k.a kehidupan seharian on a sunday night

2009-03-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

It's a sunday night
as usual I will head back to campus
unpack stuff and catch up on things with my roomates
and tomorrow my day starts of at 9 am

this coming week is a revision period week for us
me and my frens will have a hectic week ahead of us,
we have a take home quiz which is worth 35 marks,
it is on sociology, which i find it quite tough to comprehend.
the exam before this was quite an easy one, did not really have this situation i am in right now..
and it's due date is this tuesday
we are in trouble :P

well on the bright side,
Me n yuhanis decided that we will catch Talentime sumwhere next week, but i am re-considering things. hurm...I really want to watch it but my exams that are due on saturday and sunday MORNING is getting in my way. Plus i have a family gathering in my house on that saturday night itself and the next day my other exam resumes!!
I have not a single idea on those two subjects. and i only have five days to master the whole thing. x2

By the way
Every movie by Yasmin ahmad is a must watch. This much I can tell you.
I love Sepet, Gubra, Mukhsin but too bad cant watch Muallaf in Malaysia if i'm not mistaken
but the Big twist here is that
my cousin from singapore will try to grab a copy of Muallaf's DVD if it's available
lucky us.
but still Iwould really love it if i can catch it on Cinema screen. in Malaysia!!

I have to leave now
if anyone has anything to share or
anything u want to say
go ahead yea :)
nity nite
xoxo, urungku

My first ever typed thoughts...

2009-03-28T23:54:00.001-07:00

You make me wanna la la la la la la....

my first ever typed thoughts that goes public
not a big deal really
but i think whatever i have to say after this will,
well maybe it will affect or relate to some people or even organisations
but still
it is my way of giving out and expressing of what i have to say and may i say advise

it is to my delight to enlighten anyone
whom i humbly thank in advance
if you carry on reading my post after this

do stay tune
for more post yea
xoxo hamitafinia