may 21 2011

we re-united othe 20th of may for our friend's wedding, izzati. we went to iiu and slept in our friend's room. the we talked we laughed and we rekindled our days together after being apart for almost a month. we went for dinner and present hunting for the newly weds :) the next day me, aan, tia and ijan went for the solemnisation ceremony. we were very happy for izzati looked very beautiful and she is the first to marry in our group, therefore we are very very happy. we arrived on time and we sat really close to her. we witnessed everything and we saw how happy izzati was. we were brought to tears when she was announced to be the lawfully wedded wife to her husband. we took pictures and we had the best meal because it was our friend's wedding. time came for us to part again and it has been a year and 1 month since her wedding. we hope you are happy izzati. we know we are ,) we love you. with wedding over, it was time for us to part, again. bye bye my sweethearts.

May 2011

we will start going down memory lane from when i last posted my last entry. we graduated and we left iiu. we left iiu but we kept the memories. me and my girls parted on the 15th of april 2011. we left each other because it was time for us to leave and return to where we belong to. aan heads south for johor and tia headed for kajang. we did not cry. we kept it inside of us. we kept it for quite some time though. i shed the tears for leaving my girls in september on the 5th to be exact. in my room with their pictures on the board i shed my tears for departing from my other halves.

been awhile folks!

splurging of ideas...wow and i mean wow!
it has been almost a year since i last babble my way over here
once again WOW!!!,
soooo many things happened to me like alot, and i mean ALOT!! so many things to splurge and tell and relate...

A.N

Now this is about A.N

I have not seen him for the past 7 weeks

and the last time i saw a glimpse of him was on the 14th of April 2011...

I thought I would see him again, but i did not

and here i am after 7 weeks

wondering, why did i went to the washroom? i knew that a mistake would cost me

and i know i did that mistake and it is killing me inside

not slowly but i know i am dying inside.

I would give anything to see him

it is a month now after i asked him his birth year

on 29th April 2011,

i plucked up whatever courage i had in me

and i messaged him on F.B

he actually replied :)

he was born in 1985 :D

and then onwards

everything that i know about him

anything that is related to him keeps on showing up,

his name, everything, anything that is related to him

it's like i am not allowed to forget him

not even once

anywhere i go

anything i read

will always lead me back to him and his memories

i miss him

i know i miss him

and this is different from last year

this is the type of longing

that i feel like crying

believe me a tear or 2 dropped

i dream of him

and it feels so real

i could hear his voice

i could feel his gaze upon me

i could feel his presence.

i see him

even when my eyes are open

visions of him will appear

his scent will be there when i miss him

everything i had never thought of

came to me.

he is someone i never dreamed of liking

forget anything else that comes after like

nowadays

it is really easy to see him

i have these images of him being in my life in the future

the pieces now fit with each other

they fit perfectly

in my images only

have i told you

that it is my very dream

to give him a present

that is a whole set

of Baju Melayu that is black in colour

i really want to look at him wearing this

just once

and everything will be alright

for me :)

and i found more pictures of him :)

I Miss You dear A.N

things i kept to myself

i can tell you because no one really knows about You :P

how am i supposed to say this to anyone?

the days that i go through is eating me up inside. my life now is at a new and different level

i have finished my studies in iiu. i am far away from my friends and i am at home, helping my parents at our shop and that's just it. for the coming months, this is how my life is going to be spent!

day in day out!

i have been through a lot these past weeks and days

many things happened

do not really know what they are

was too ignorant shall i say?

i am not happy

i do not know what has got into me. God knows the things i have been through

not major physical ones

they are more on the mental side

the stability of my mental is lowly making it's way to deterioration

i do not know what the problems are

but i am pretty sure it is bottling up inside me

Mine

Flower gleam and glow

let your power shine

make the clock reverse

bring back what once was Mine

Heal that has been hurt

change the fates' design

save what has been lost

bring back what once was Mine

What once was Mine....

Unintended!

You could be my unintended

Choice to live my life extended

You could be the one I'll always love

You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions

You could be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can

But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

First there was the one who challenged

All my dreams and all my balance

She could never be as good as you

You could be my unintended

Choice to live my life extended

You should be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can

But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

I'll be there as soon as I can

But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

Before you

Lamanya

splurging of ideas...

my ideas in this place is vintage

old, i left you you my dear, i left you long enough!!!

things in life has been really crazy

everything seems to be i don't know crazy i suppose

classes have been crazy

oh yes i took my driving license already

i can say that

I hate this feeling!!

this feeling is making me suffer somehow

i hate this feeling

i am really tired of this feeling

if i fail on the 13 of April i swear i'l leave it out for awhile

just continue renewing my L

and continue dong it until i really want a license badly!

i do not know why i feel like this

life here in iium

i do not know how to put this

i now unofficially have graduated

since my exam finished on the 5th of April.

i don't know what has got into me but i don't feel good

i am not in a very good shape!

long time no see

how long is long??
for quite some time i have left you alone
sorry!!!!!
been very very busy
and
i have my tumblr withh me :)

I Miss You

i miss you, i still miss you

i want to miss you, and i want you to miss me back

i want to dream of you, and i want you to dream of me back

just like the old days

bu the reality is that

there is no more you or me

there is no more us

we ended…

“I wish that I was looking into your eyes

looking into your eyes

looking into your eyes

i want you to walk through

and burst in the door and take me away

no more mistakes

cause in your eyes I’d like to stay”

splurging of ideas...

this is itttt

splurging of ideas...

this shows that I have internet connection with me 24/7

i update my blog like

i have never updated before

ha ha ha

you can tell by reading this

that

I have nothing else to do

I am not used to

"onlining" everyday

hence

explains why I do not know what to do

when I have the internet!!!!

right now

i am doing my arabic homework

h ahah aha

it shows that

i

have

nothing

else

to

do!!!

I Miss You

These are the words
that I have been wanting to tell this person so badly.
I Miss You!
I really Miss You
it's been so long since I last saw You
I actually long to see you
I really do

I look for you
I search for you
but I still can't seem to find you
I ask for you
I do things that I have never did before
I even liked you
like I have never liked anyone like you before

You are different
You are not like the usual's
You are You..
You smile differently
You walk differently
You talk differently

You are never
the usual
people
that I used to like

how do I come to know You
after awhile
you were in my life for the past two years
and I never acknowledged You
You sipped into my life like water
You flow in and out
but it took me awhile to realise

You came when I was in pain
maybe
that is why
I noticed You
You heal me unconsciously
You were there every time I needed You
I didn't realise You
then
but now maybe
it is You who do not realise Me....

and now I have to tell you
that
I
I miss You
I really do...

I miss you

splurging of ideas...

This is for 'YOU'

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted,
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sank chill on my brow
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:
Long, long shall I rue thee
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

When we two are parted
Lord Byron

My Love life...?????

What about my love life??
no big deal really but
I cannot help questioning myself
What am I doing??
why am I doing this and
How should I do this?

I am complicating my own life
that is the exact answer if someone were to ask me
what I am talking about...

first thing's first
do I even know what Love is??
or do I pretend that I know what Love is
and Make myself believe that I know Love..
I'm not making any sense huh?

is waiting for someone that I know will never be mine is called Love?
is giving my all to that person and not hope for anything back is called love?
is not getting angry at that person when he does something that I can never tolerate with someone else is called Love??
is soothing my own heart when that person hurts me and saying "it's okay" is called Love?
is waiting for that person's text message until dawn and that person says "I fell asleep" is called Love?
is loving that person unconditionally is called Love?
is crying every time that person hurts me and that person doesn't care is called Love?
is seeing that person messaging someone else in front of you and you don't say a word when he does not reply your messages is called Love?
is looking at that person when he does not look at you anymore is called Love?
is looking at someone who does not know you exist is called Love?
is liking someone that does not like you because he does not know you is called Love??
is walking away from that person when he has hurt you really bad is called Love?

or just pretending that we have never loved is what is really called Love

Money, Duit, Fulus, Rinjitat, Dollar, Pounds...

what is install for me tomorrow
i wonder what life and God have in line for me
i am back from my holidays
i need to start working part time
the problem is you know
I do not know what I want to do
I do not have the time to tell you the truth
but I have to find the time and
the money
I need to do this
I have to!!!

I will resume my classes tomorrow morning and
yes I am alone for the first time in this place
I only have two classes this semester
but it takes most of my time
I do not have enough cash
and I want to buy alot of things
I need a new or more new pair/pairs of shoe
I need to pay a whole sum of money for something
I need to work my weight out
I NEED CASH!!!!!

I need many things right now
which I suddenly can't help questioning myself
for some time
Am I not Content enough with my LIfe???
Am I not content enough with what God
has given Me???

what is wrong with me???

My life in short

ha ha aha

have not been here for quite awhile

there is so much to say

in such a short time

i am dead jealous with every single one who went to Super Junior's concert in Malaysia

I am so

jealous

I watched My name is Khan

and i cried and cried

the movie made me cry and i felt relieved

the emotions just flowed out

and

after the movies we went to dataran merdeka

to snap photos

and the one thing that was the highlight of the day was

my lecturer lost his camera

while he was eating

his total lost cost him RM 12k....

my grades are not that good

i really want to cry

it's just that bad

I do not want to repeat anything

i havent seen A.N for quite some time

i miss him

i really do

i do not know why

but I really like him

i dont know why..

my life is totally topsy turvy

i am stuck here with my examinations coming

i really want to watch It's complicated

I did not like Alice in Wonderland

i only liked Johnny Depp

I am still having flu and cough

and i am still not feeling good

a friend just spilled the beans to me

that one of her friend's friend

got cancer due to a fall

2 years ago

and now she has bone cancer

I fell twice two years straight

and I am wondering will i get the same thing as

her friend's friend have?

I do not know what has got into me

I really want to disappear for some time and just go anywhere i want

I miss God

really want to go back to Him...

A.N

let me see

this is about A.N

and other things that involves A.N and my life

so far

I dont know when this started

dont even know why or how it started

first

I confidently tell people that I do not like people with beard

I mean fully bearded man.

I have nothing against beards

but it is just not my ideal kind of dream guy

if I can put it in this way.

I always liked guys who look ill and have this same kind of look

all of them

but this person is

totally the opposite of everything that I ever dreamt of

he is Canadian

he is white

he has beard on his face

he goes to the library

he smiles with the most innocent look a man can have

he helps people with their studies

he likes to wear a white cap

he only wear sandals or slippers on weekends

he will put on a pair of Adidas, or Nike during the weekdays

he will always wear jeans with a long sleeved shirt for classes

he will always carry a bagpack even on weekends

he looks at people directly in their eyes

he cant stand when someone tickles him on his waist

he likes to scratch or hold his hair

he likes to drink Ribena

he gets excited just by watching people demonstrate

on martial arts

he has a very soft spoken voice

and tone when speaking

he can't sit for a long time

he has to walk around to rejuvenate himself

he is always or at times in a hurry

he likes to entertain children

he will greet anyone he knows happily

he is very playful

he has the sweetest smile

and he glows when he smile

and the one thing that captures me is

his pair of very very innocent-looking-eyes.

very captivating

very inviting

he is very very

dangerous

for me...

I have found my Kryptonite...

Rollercrazycoaster!!!!!

it is 12 and i am supposed to be in my room

where i am supposed to be bathing

and i am supposed to be sleeping

and i am supposed to iron my clothes for tomorrow..

where i am supposed to attend class

and i am supposed to receive my exam paper n their

oh-so-the-very-excellent-results.

oh yeah

first and foremost

Happy new year to all

yes i know it is february already but

tak pa

never too late to wish kan :)

it has been a very crazy, hectic, nasty and tiring start for me

2010 is a year where i think

i will be in big trouble

i am dealing with things that are really really

causing me to go nuts!

lets start right away

List of events:

1. I ended 2009 with being really ill

2. i started 2010 with being terribly ill too. Viral Diarrhoea!! 2 weeks. it is taking it's toll on me

right now.

3. The late Sultan of Johor Passed away and I watched the entire funeral process. it was

a moment where you know someone who is good

has left the world to be in a place better

than here...

4. I once again failed with flying colours to meet Dr. Mahathir when he is in IIUM. sad :(

5. on the 5th of FEBRUARY 2010, I once again jatuh tangga, hit my bum, my ankle and my right

foot and they are killing me right now.

6. On the very very same day too, I met this 1 person whom I have not seen for 3 whole years, and for some reason, even after what he did, My heart still skipped a heartbeat when he was

infront of me....i could recognise him just by looking at his jaw and mole on his right jaw line.

terrible ain't it?

7. got my heart crushed over and over again, but i still cannot say goodbye

I do not know why, please tell me why...

8. I am going crazy with all my assignments, exams and the people around me...

9. I cant sleep at night. I want to sleep, i need to sleep, but i cant seem to do so.

please help me :p

10. I miss my God!!!

Tentang perasaan pula

Ha ha ha

got a new eye interest

his name is ali Nsser

he is a canadian

he is hot! Hot! HOT!

he he

actually i am captivated by his eyes

they look very innocent

cute :P

Hindustan pula???

he he he

saya tak syok sangat kat dia dah

tapi bila nampak dia

nak juga tengok kan..

tak pa la

kita tengok la how :P

tapi saya tetap sayang kat Tarabas....