A.N

Now this is about A.N

I have not seen him for the past 7 weeks

and the last time i saw a glimpse of him was on the 14th of April 2011...

I thought I would see him again, but i did not

and here i am after 7 weeks

wondering, why did i went to the washroom? i knew that a mistake would cost me

and i know i did that mistake and it is killing me inside

not slowly but i know i am dying inside.

I would give anything to see him

it is a month now after i asked him his birth year

on 29th April 2011,

i plucked up whatever courage i had in me

and i messaged him on F.B

he actually replied :)

he was born in 1985 :D

and then onwards

everything that i know about him

anything that is related to him keeps on showing up,

his name, everything, anything that is related to him

it's like i am not allowed to forget him

not even once

anywhere i go

anything i read

will always lead me back to him and his memories

i miss him

i know i miss him

and this is different from last year

this is the type of longing

that i feel like crying

believe me a tear or 2 dropped

i dream of him

and it feels so real

i could hear his voice

i could feel his gaze upon me

i could feel his presence.

i see him

even when my eyes are open

visions of him will appear

his scent will be there when i miss him

everything i had never thought of

came to me.

he is someone i never dreamed of liking

forget anything else that comes after like

nowadays

it is really easy to see him

i have these images of him being in my life in the future

the pieces now fit with each other

they fit perfectly

in my images only

have i told you

that it is my very dream

to give him a present

that is a whole set

of Baju Melayu that is black in colour

i really want to look at him wearing this

just once

and everything will be alright

for me :)

and i found more pictures of him :)

I Miss You dear A.N

things i kept to myself

i can tell you because no one really knows about You :P

how am i supposed to say this to anyone?

the days that i go through is eating me up inside. my life now is at a new and different level

i have finished my studies in iiu. i am far away from my friends and i am at home, helping my parents at our shop and that's just it. for the coming months, this is how my life is going to be spent!

day in day out!

i have been through a lot these past weeks and days

many things happened

do not really know what they are

was too ignorant shall i say?

i am not happy

i do not know what has got into me. God knows the things i have been through

not major physical ones

they are more on the mental side

the stability of my mental is lowly making it's way to deterioration

i do not know what the problems are

but i am pretty sure it is bottling up inside me

Mine

Flower gleam and glow

let your power shine

make the clock reverse

bring back what once was Mine

Heal that has been hurt

change the fates' design

save what has been lost

bring back what once was Mine

What once was Mine....

Unintended!

You could be my unintended

Choice to live my life extended

You could be the one I'll always love

You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions

You could be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can

But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

First there was the one who challenged

All my dreams and all my balance

She could never be as good as you

You could be my unintended

Choice to live my life extended

You should be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can

But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

I'll be there as soon as I can

But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

Before you

Lamanya

splurging of ideas...

my ideas in this place is vintage

old, i left you you my dear, i left you long enough!!!

things in life has been really crazy

everything seems to be i don't know crazy i suppose

classes have been crazy

oh yes i took my driving license already

i can say that

I hate this feeling!!

this feeling is making me suffer somehow

i hate this feeling

i am really tired of this feeling

if i fail on the 13 of April i swear i'l leave it out for awhile

just continue renewing my L

and continue dong it until i really want a license badly!

i do not know why i feel like this

life here in iium

i do not know how to put this

i now unofficially have graduated

since my exam finished on the 5th of April.

i don't know what has got into me but i don't feel good

i am not in a very good shape!