Monday, May 30, 2011

A.N

Now this is about A.N
I have not seen him for the past 7 weeks
and the last time i saw a glimpse of him was on the 14th of April 2011...
I thought I would see him again, but i did not
and here i am after 7 weeks
wondering, why did i went to the washroom? i knew that a mistake would cost me
and i know i did that mistake and it is killing me inside
not slowly but i know i am dying inside.
I would give anything to see him

it is a month now after i asked him his birth year
on 29th April 2011,
i plucked up whatever courage i had in me
and i messaged him on F.B
he actually replied :)
he was born in 1985 :D

and then onwards
everything that i know about him
anything that is related to him keeps on showing up,
his name, everything, anything that is related to him
it's like i am not allowed to forget him
not even once
anywhere i go
anything i read
will always lead me back to him and his memories

i miss him
i know i miss him
and this is different from last year
this is the type of longing
that i feel like crying
believe me a tear or 2 dropped
i dream of him
and it feels so real
i could hear his voice
i could feel his gaze upon me
i could feel his presence.

i see him
even when my eyes are open
visions of him will appear
his scent will be there when i miss him
everything i had never thought of
came to me.

he is someone i never dreamed of liking
forget anything else that comes after like
nowadays
it is really easy to see him
i have these images of him being in my life in the future
the pieces now fit with each other
they fit perfectly
in my images only

have i told you
that it is my very dream
to give him a present
that is a whole set
of Baju Melayu that is black in colour
i really want to look at him wearing this
just once
and everything will be alright
for me :)

and i found more pictures of him :)

I Miss You dear A.N

things i kept to myself

i can tell you because no one really knows about You :P
how am i supposed to say this to anyone?
the days that i go through is eating me up inside. my life now is at a new and different level
i have finished my studies in iiu. i am far away from my friends and i am at home, helping my parents at our shop and that's just it. for the coming months, this is how my life is going to be spent!
day in day out!
i have been through a lot these past weeks and days
many things happened
do not really know what they are
was too ignorant shall i say?
i am not happy
i do not know what has got into me. God knows the things i have been through
not major physical ones
they are more on the mental side
the stability of my mental is lowly making it's way to deterioration
i do not know what the problems are
but i am pretty sure it is bottling up inside me

Mine

Flower gleam and glow
let your power shine
make the clock reverse
bring back what once was Mine

Heal that has been hurt
change the fates' design
save what has been lost
bring back what once was Mine

What once was Mine....

Friday, April 8, 2011

Unintended!

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

Before you


Lamanya

splurging of ideas...
my ideas in this place is vintage
old, i left you you my dear, i left you long enough!!!

things in life has been really crazy
everything seems to be i don't know crazy i suppose
classes have been crazy
oh yes i took my driving license already
i can say that
I hate this feeling!!
this feeling is making me suffer somehow
i hate this feeling
i am really tired of this feeling
if i fail on the 13 of April i swear i'l leave it out for awhile
just continue renewing my L
and continue dong it until i really want a license badly!
i do not know why i feel like this

life here in iium
i do not know how to put this
i now unofficially have graduated
since my exam finished on the 5th of April.
i don't know what has got into me but i don't feel good
i am not in a very good shape!